Your story is what so many parents need to read. I have an 18, year, old, daughter who isn’t going to college next year unlike most of her classmates. She’s not going because I listened to her and didn’t force her to go like my Donald Trump Merry Trumpmas make Christmas great again shirt did. I ended up going for five years, dropping out, and figuring out life and failing instead of being heard from the get go. I want her to have goals, but ones that she’s decided and not those dictated to her by a guidance counselor or expected path. Bravo to you for getting yourself back.
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Recently returned to school after being away for 15 years. I dropped out when I was overcome with the same darkness that befell you. I’m happy you’re feeling better. I am, too. To be honest, while many aspects of school are fulfilling, my Donald Trump Merry Trumpmas make Christmas great again shirt prior to returning, one I’d built with sheer grit and a sense of adventure and imagination and daring, that I cobbled together with my own self, trained hands, has been dampened by returning to a socially acceptable pursuit, mainly for respectability’s sake.
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It is my wish for you and for everyone feeling similarly that you learn to hold whatever shame or fear you have as carefully as you might hold a baby. That you nurture the dark parts of yourself as you would something very precious to you, because they are precious to you. They are materials on which you will perform alchemy, like the natural scientist you are. What you’ve achieved, integration, acceptance, contentment, is the ultimate progress. You’ll move forward when you’re ready, in a manner that best suits you.
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And the pleasure you’ll feel, the fulfillment from going your own way on your own time. Unburdened by shame, will be worth it. I’m so excited for you. I have a fancy law degree I’m not using and have no desire to use. I’m married to a guy who dropped out of college. That enlisted in the Corps, and finished his BA at 40. He makes a good Donald Trump Merry Trumpmas make Christmas great again shirt and has a hell of a lot less debt than I carry. I wish I had realized and been able to internalize before law school.
I could measure my self worth with a different ruler than the one my family used. Good goals are the ones that are your own. You are in fine company learning to let go of goals that were always someone else’s. I went to a college for a year and hated it. So I couldnt think of what I wanted to do or that a degree from a 4 year college could get that. And I liked cars so I went to votech and got an associate’s degree. Turns out cars are better hobby than profession.